Summer Reflections

I know it's only midway through the summer and summer is supposed to be for fun and vacations, but this summer I have also been learning. Learning to live life to the fullest everyday. To not take a day for granted, and to not take any person in my life for granted. I have been learning to let go of fear and anxiety (this is a daily struggle). I have been learning to show grace towards others whether they deserve it or not. And I was reminded that God chooses the weak, the foolish, those who are least in this world and equips them to do his work. I am sure I have much more to learn and look forward to all that God continues to teach me this summer and beyond.

In my department at work we have had several coworkers lose family members this summer- five deaths in total that I am aware of in a department of about 30 people. About three weeks ago my friend, who is like a sister to me, was in a serious car accident which resulted in her going to the hospital and subsequently undergoing surgery and her dad's vehicle being totaled. And this past Sunday Haiti Mama lost a very precious little boy. Sometimes I ask God why. Why was my friend spared but not my coworkers 29 year old nephew. Why did she survive her accident but not him? Why did you allow this person who loved you so much to die or that person to lose their baby? I am sure there is someone wiser than I am who has a better answer to this question. All I can do is give my why's to God and trust in his sovereignty. This world is full of sin and I know that as long as we live in this world there will continue to be pain and suffering, that certainly wasn't God's plan. My trust is not a blind trust in "some God or power out there." But a faith in a God whom I've seen work powerfully in my life, my family's lives and the lives of others around me. It is a God who can turn sinners into saints. A love that runs so deep and wide that nothing can separate us from Him. Oh I hope those of you reading this know this love that I am talking about. 

It's not always easy to trust, especially when you don't have all the answers. There are moments when my eyes are off him and fear and doubt creep in. But I know even if I don't have all the answers, even if I don't have my life altogether, I know that I am deeply loved by a God who sent his Son Jesus to redeem my life for his. And that is why I live. I know that someday, I will be in heaven in the presence of my loving God where there is no more pain or sorrows.

So often I take a day for granted or the people in my life for granted. Too often I've taken God for granted. This summer, in the midst of the fun, I pray that God tunes all our hearts toward His. That we may enjoy each and every day that He gives us and live life to the fullest.

Mesi Jezi (Thank You Jesus): Marriage, missions, and everything in between

Now that the wedding is over, the apartment is all settled into, and summer is in full swing I've been doing some reflecting on life, just thinking about the last few years, the present, and the future.  It amazes me the journey each persons life takes them and how God can use and shape every interaction we have, no matter how small, and use it for His great purpose.

September will be two years since Brian and I started dating. In the course of two years I have gone to Haiti twice, started dating Brian and subsequently married him 21 months later, and have helped two wonderful teenagers graduate from high school. There have also been many ups and downs during those two years, both personal struggles and struggles within our family. One of them being losing my grandfather in April, just 1 month before the wedding. During that time I wondered what God was doing and why he didn't allow my grandfather just one more month. It doesn't seem like a lot to ask for and I don't know the answer to my "why's" but I know that God is sovereign and I know that my grandfather is no longer suffering.

Some of you know how much I love Francis Chan. When I listen to his sermons and hear the stories about how God has answered his prayers I grow amazed at how the Holy Spirit works in our lives. I also feel a discontentment stir within me as I long to have those experiences as well. I find that it's easy for myself to live day to day and get so caught up with work and life that I fail to see God at work all around me. Yet God is moving and working all the time!

As I reflect back on the last two years I've realized just how much God has been working in my life. Two years ago next week I boarded a plane to Haiti. I didn't know anyone there, I had a few facebook conversations with some of the people at Tytoo and was given lots of advie from the gentleman who had connected me to Tytoo, but other than that I was heading on my first international trip alone, not knowing who from Tytoo would be picking me up at the airport or what would be in store for me once I was there. You see, I was not supposed to be going to Tytoo that year, I was supposed to be going to visit missionaries from my church who used to live in Haiti. However, about a month and a half before I was to leave for Haiti to spend two weeks with them their daughter had a medical crisis that brought them back to the states. During this period of uncertainty there was much questioning of God as to why it seemed He was leading me to Haiti and now it seemed He was closing that door. There was also much praying and I distinctly remember praying and asking God to bring someone into my life that I could serve with. Bring another person who loved serving God as much as I did. Someone who had similar passions. I remember just crying out to God during this time of uncertainty and frustration and asking for a friend and specifically telling him that I was not asking for a boyfriend, just a friend, someone who I could do life with. Someone who would want to travel to Haiti and wherever else God might lead. And God brought me Brian. Even though I didn't know what I needed at that time, He did.

In the every day simple details as well as in much bigger ways that I could ever imagined God is ever moving and working. I love seeing how God works things out in miraculous ways, Last year I had the opportunity to go to Haiti again and meet Tausha Pearson and work with her organization Haiti Mama. I've never seen poverty to that extent and yet to see and hear the hope that the families who are a part of Haiti Mama have is both humbling and amazing. Since my return from Haiti last year I've been able to hold a fundraiser for Haiti Mama and join their board of directors. I am so humbled and amazed how God used a family at my church who followed God to Haiti and had to cut their stay there short to lead me to take the step to go to Haiti and ultimately through God's providence end up working with two amazing organizations, Tytoo Gardens and Haiti Mama.

I know I have much work to do to be a person who is constantly aware of how God is moving and working in my life and to be willing to continually take that step of faith and walk on water with him (so hard as I love my comfort zone!!). My current journey has lead me to places I've never dreamed of, places that would never be on my five or ten year plan if I had one. Right now, I am learning to trust and lean on God in EVERY circumstance. Currently I am working on fundraising to help provide a steady income for Tausha so she and her family can continue to stay and work in Haiti to ensure that children are not living on the streets, families are empowered, and children with disabilities are not being neglected in orphanages that are sub par at best. I am so passionate about supporting Haiti Mama because I have seen their outcomes and I know that they are making a difference, I hate asking people for money (it's so awkward sometime and out of my comfort zone) but if anyone is interested in supporting Tausha and Haiti Mama I would be happy to share more with you. Or you can check out these websites to learn more: http://www.haitimama.org/tausha and http://www.haitimama.org/. Or join their facebook page to learn more and see how God is working and moving in Haiti through Haiti Mama: https://www.facebook.com/haitimama/?fref=ts
Please take two minutes to watch the video below to learn more and then check out the links above to learn how you can help:

I'm thankful for the good and bad in my life because I know God has used them and will continue to use me as He sees fit. I'd love to hear how God is working in your life or if there is something I can be praying for you for, Please feel free to message me. Also, if you'd like more info on Haiti Mama I'd be happy to share more about that as well. :-)

Happily Ever After

On May 14^th, 2016 I will marry the most amazing guy I know. I could not be more thankful that God brought him into my life. However, as amazing as that day will be it will not be my “happily ever after.” Growing up little girls watch princess movies and reads stories that end with a prince and princess marrying and the words “and they all lives happily ever after.” I wonder how the perception that marriage is the ultimate prize and that once you get married life is perfect, has impacted our culture and our marriages today? How many little girls have grown up believing that marriage is all they need to live happily ever after?

I’ve been reading the book “You and Me forever” by Francis Chan. I started reading this book about a year ago when it first came out, before Brian and I started seriously dating. I had absolutely no intention of reading this book because I thought I was getting married someday soon. I read it because I found the subtitle of the book, “Marriage in light of eternity,” to be intriguing (and because Francis Chan wrote it, so therefore it must be good!). Today, I was struck by these words that he wrote:

“’I told you! I told you it would be worth it!!! This is unbelievable!!!!!!!’  I imagine shouting that one day when I see Lisa and my kids in heaven. They will no longer be my wife and kids, but we will love each other more than ever. I picture myself looking them in the eyes and saying ‘I told you He would come through! I knew He would be true to His promises. I knew that every sacrifice would be worth it. This is insane! He is amazing!’

That is the perfect ending for me. That’s what I consider my ‘happily ever after.’ So now I work backwards- what can I do today to ensure that my story ends that way? We should all make decisions based on hindsight. Picture yourself standing before God at the moment of your death, looking back on your time on earth. At that moment, what will you regret? What will you cherish? Now, what would your life be like if you made your decisions on that basis? We can be sure that we are heaven-bound if we trust Jesus. But God blesses us even further- He promises to reward any sacrifices made lovingly for his kingdom (Mark 10:28-30).”

What does your “happily ever” look like? You never hear a story end with “the girl died and lived happily ever after.” Why not? What if in death we do find “happily ever after?” My story is about far more than just having a good marriage and, God willing, someday great children. Marriage is just one of the many things that God blesses us with, it’s not the ultimate thing that will bring us the most joy and happiness in life.

Imagine the best day that you’ve ever had, how does it make you feel remembering it? Now, close your eyes and picture yourself in your favorite place. For me, that would be at the beach or in the mountains of Haiti. Now, imagine standing before God in heaven one day (although I doubt we’ll be standing, more like throwing ourselves down at his feet). Our best moments and greatest day pales in comparison to what we will one day experience. My hope and prayer for myself and all those reading this is that we will hear God himself tell us when we die “Well done my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over little, I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your Master” (Matthew 25”21). That would be my “happily ever after.”

Post Haiti Reflections: Break my Heart

It was three months yesterday that I touched down in Haiti. I still remember the confusion of staring at a sea of people outside the airport, wondering which person was there to pick me up. I’ll never forget the confusion and fear I felt wondering why God had brought me to this country by myself when I knew no one. What could God possibly want with little ole me? I now long to be back in this beautiful, broken country. To walk alongside the friends that I’ve made. To love on the children. To pray with Lukeney, Watson and the other boys as they crawl in their bunk beds and go to sleep. To talk with NeNe about life. To wake up by the ocean and watch the sun rise and praise God for the work He is doing in Haiti.  

Sometimes I'm not sure where to begin when someone asks me about my trip. Do I tell them about the amazing people I met, how beautiful the country is, or the crippling poverty that forces many parents to give their children over to orphanages? I made some of the most amazing memories while there. I rode my first moto (motorcycle), drank glo (water), had Creole lessons by the boys at the orphanage, drank coconut water straight from the coconut while in the ocean, and worshiped alongside Haitians. I met some of the most amazing godly Haitians who are working hard to serve God and help the people of Haiti,as well as some amazing Americans working in Haiti. I feel so blessed to have had the opportunity to work with Touch of Hope while in Haiti and stay at their orphanage, Tytoo. I love the people there and the organization and the work they are doing in Haiti to provide the people of Simonette with a hand up, not a hand out. In addition to the orphanage they have a clinic, school, and several, outreach programs; the Denim Project and Starfish Program. The Denim Project employs several women to sew items such as headbands, aprons, place-mats, coasters, etc. The work they do is beautiful and provides an income for them to help support their family. The products are sold at local stores in Haiti as well as taken back to the U.S. to be sold. The starfish program meets every other Tuesday and teaches women skills and provides support and encouragement to the women as they each strive to be self-sufficient. The goal of the starfish program is to prevent admissions to the orphanage. I had the opportunity to sit in on a starfish meeting and while I couldn't understand what was being said I could see the love and camaraderie these women have for one another and watched as they eagerly learned how to knit.  The social worker in me loved seeing these community outreach programs and the lives that have been transformed through these programs.

Break my heart Lord, for the things that break your heart, was the prayer I continually prayed while down in Haiti, and continue to pray. I lost my phone while I was in Haiti, leaving me with little contact with the world outside Simonette. Yet God used that experience to draw me closer to Him. Sitting on the porch swing overlooking the ocean in the early morning or late at night while reading God’s word (instead of surfing facebook) were sweet times with the Savior who ordained this trip to Haiti, even while I had my doubts about my being there. Post Haiti has been an adjustment. Life doesn't seem to slow down to give you time to recoup and reflect. Sometimes I can go a whole day without thinking of Haiti, other times out of the seemingly blue a memory of my time in Haiti will pop into my mind. I was in Old Navy the other week shopping with a friend and was struck by how fortunate I am to have money to buy clothes. One of the most poignant moments during my trip was the times I got to spend with one of staff. I asked him about his dreams. He wanted to be able to feed his family three meals a day. Because he is the only family member employed he is also supporting extended family on both his and his wife’s side in addition to supporting his wife and kids. He knows he is blessed to have a job and goes to work every day with a smile on his face and an attitude ready to face whatever tasks may come his way. His other dream; to have a small emergency fund to be able to pay for any unexpected expenses, such as medical emergencies or truck repairs. It brought tears to my eyes to hear of these simple requests.

The problems in Haiti seem overwhelming at times and it is hard to know how to help, especially from an ocean away. I am hosting a jewelry fundraiser to raise money for The Starfish program and the Gambrill family (missionaries to Haiti). Please see my facebook page for more info on this if you are interested in buying jewelry to support a good cause. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I trust in the God who holds my future.  I would LOVE to return to Haiti, God willing. If anyone is interested in joining me on a life changing mission’s trip please send me a message. I would like to return next year, hopefully in the spring/summer.

I'm going to Haiti...and I have a place to stay!!

For the past few weeks, there was a real possibility that I would not have a place to stay while in Haiti. Last Saturday I received a call from an acquaintance I reached out to who has been to Haiti several times who has been a real blessing to me, not just in assisting me with finding a place to stay, but also in preparing for the trip.. He called to let me know that he had two potential places/people who may have space available for me to stay with them while in Haiti. The first, is an organization called Tytoo Gardens, the other was with a social worker who is working in the mountains in Haiti. After a week of praying for wisdom and waiting to find out whether Tytoo Gardens would have space for me, I finally heard from their director and was told they would be able to house me. As much as the social worker in me wanted to go off on an adventure with this social worker Tausha who is working in Haiti, I felt peace about choosing to go work with Tytoo Gardens.

Tytoo Gardens is located in the village of Simonette which is about 40km from Haiti's main city Port Au Prince. Tytoo Gardens cares for orphans, helps orphans and local children attend school, assists locals in ensuring they have access to basic health care, and provides elders with food and necessities. While Tytoo does have an orphanage they have also developed programs to assist mothers in caring for their children so that they do not have to give them up because they cannot care for them. I am so excited that God has opened this door. I feel that Tytoo Gardens has similar values to mine and cannot wait to meet the children at the orphanage and the families who are a part of their starfish program ( a program that provides support to women so they can care for their families), as well as learn about all the other programs and meet all the other people whom they work with.

As I have been preparing for this trip I have been reminded of the sober realities I will face in a third world county. Yesterday I made an appointment to obtain malaria medication and today I purchased malaria nets and travel insurance. But God is good and I look forward to all that he has in store for me while I am there. I am so thankful that God opened this door and cannot wait to share about all my adventures in Haiti!

  

An Unexpected Journey: Haiti Update

It's been about two years since I've blogged. I thought multiple times about writing another blog post and started writing one several times, never finishing. I know many of you are praying for my upcoming trip to Haiti, here is my attempt to keep you updated.

For those of you who don't know, I was planning to visit a missionary family in Haiti in mid August for two weeks. The family are members of my church and moved to Haiti in April of 2013 to help rebuild a church and work with the people of Haiti. Their youngest daughter Courtney has diabetes and went into diabetic ketoacidosis about two weeks ago. The family sought urgent medical treatment in Haiti and plan on seeking additional medical treatment here in the US. Little Courtney and her mom came back to the US last Saturday with the rest of the family planning to fly back here later this week. It is uncertain when they will be back in Haiti. Please keep them in your prayers as I'm sure this is a very difficult time for them.

This leads me to the update on my current situation. I have plane tickets to Haiti but no clear direction on what I will be doing while I am there. I have been talking to a gentleman who has been on mission trips to Haiti and has a connection with an orphanage down there as well as with my old youth pastor whose in-laws are missionaries with the Baptist Haiti Mission. There are no guarantees that either of these will work out. God is sovereign. Although I can't understand why he has has given me the desire to go to Haiti I know that “his thoughts are higher than my thoughts, his ways higher than my ways.” Wherever He leads me, whatever door he opens and path he leads me down, I know it is for a reason and for His glory.

During this time of waiting and leaning on Him for directions I feel He is reminding me to seek Him more deeply in prayer. I have been rereading a book called Deepening the Soul for Justice by Bethany Hoang. In it she writes that “if our attempts to seek justice do not begin with the work of prayer, we will be worn and weary.” She goes on to further say that “More often than not we are so eager to jump straight into whatever we perceive to be 'action' that we distract ourselves from the very practices that must form, inform, and even transform our action- the very practices that must form us if our action is to be wise, effective, and sustained throughout the inevitable obstacles and distractions to come.” I find that it is easy to dream big dreams but to lose focus of the day to day work that God has for me to do, and the day to day practices that must inform how I live my life, such as prayer. While going to Haiti is good in and of itself, I know that I cannot allow that to distract me from the day to day work God wants me to do here. While I am in this pattern of waiting I look forward to drawing closer to God and seeking His will. Your prayers are coveted as I continue to trust Him and rely on His leading. Thank You!