I don’t yet know the answers to my “why’s” yet. I’ll admit
it frustrates me. I wonder if there is something I am doing wrong. Is there
some lesson I am supposed to learn from this? Is this a character building
experience? I have too much time to think these days! Sometimes I feel as if
God is distant. As if I can’t hear his voice anymore. But then I remember that
it isn’t God who has moved, it’s me. God always loves me, He always pursues me.
He’s ok with my questions. It’s me who’s not ok with His silence or His answers.
Sometimes, on occasion, I try to be still and listen, but I’ll admit it’s hard
to do that. I get distracted easily.
I’m not sure I’ve done a good job with responding to this. I
feel like I’m down for the count. Somehow I've gotten lost on the road. Or maybe this is just where God wants me? I’ve spent hours upon hours job
searching (i'm not exagerating, job searching is a full time job in and of itself). I’ve sent in over a dozen job
applications, revised my resume and cover letter dozens of times, gone on a few
interviews, I check my e-mail about a dozen times a day, and wait, and wait,
and wait some more. I’m one of the most optimistic and patient people I know (modest too! :-)). But as I
slowly watch the days of summer go by I wonder, how much longer? I’d
like to share parts of the lyrics from Britt Nicole’s song Have Your Way. I’ve
been listening to it recently and it has resonated with me and maybe it will
with you as well.
Feels like I've been here forever
Why can't You just intervene?
Do You see the tears keep falling?
And I'm falling apart at the seams
But You never said the road would be easy
But You said that You would never leave
And You never promised that this life wasn't hard
But You promised You'd take care of me
So I'll stop searching for the answers
I'll stop praying for an escape
And I'll trust You God with where I am
And believe that You will have Your way
Just have Your way, just have Your way
Why can't You just intervene?
Do You see the tears keep falling?
And I'm falling apart at the seams
But You never said the road would be easy
But You said that You would never leave
And You never promised that this life wasn't hard
But You promised You'd take care of me
So I'll stop searching for the answers
I'll stop praying for an escape
And I'll trust You God with where I am
And believe that You will have Your way
Just have Your way, just have Your way
And I feel so ashamed and so cold
Remind me You take the broken things
And turn them into beautiful
Remind me You take the broken things
And turn them into beautiful
Even if my dreams have died
And even if I don't survive
I'll still worship You with all my life
My life, yeah
And I'll stop searching for the answers
I'll stop praying for an escape
And I'll trust You God with where I am
And believe that You will have Your way
Just have Your way, just have Your way
I know You will, I won't forget
You love me, have Your way
And even if I don't survive
I'll still worship You with all my life
My life, yeah
And I'll stop searching for the answers
I'll stop praying for an escape
And I'll trust You God with where I am
And believe that You will have Your way
Just have Your way, just have Your way
I know You will, I won't forget
You love me, have Your way
It’s true, Jesus never promised an easy life, just the
opposite in fact. But being comfortable
is, well, nice. To have a job, feel like a normal adult, is that really so
wrong? I don’t think it is, unless you are allowing that desire to control you
and not God. “Just have your way.” How often do I say it and really mean it?
How I long to be at the center of God’s will, to be at peace with my situation.
I have always been a busy person. I worked two jobs throughout college, took
summer classes, volunteered, and studied like crazy (how I wish I could’ve been
like some of my classmates who could listen to the lecture and not need to read
the textbooks!). And now here I am face to face with TIME. My biggest enemy,
other than myself. Oh have I tried to stay busy, I’m doing it right now by
blogging when I could, maybe even should be spending time with God. Oh sure, I
spend a great amount of time in the morning reading the Bible, I’m even getting
better at praying more frequently. But it’s not enough. I know this deep down. I
need to lay down my plans, my careful thought out life (well, its not THAT careful and thought out, but you get the picture), and let Him have his
way. Perhaps this is a season that I will grow in my character and grow deeper
in my relationship with Him. Be the woman He wants me to be. I don’t know what
he has planned, how long this season of unemployment will last. But I do know
one thing, He is with me through it all. No matter what I will trust. Please
pray that I will also follow Him, no matter where He calls me go or what He
calls me to do. No matter what the cost. May I embrace His dreams and plans for my life, may His will be my will.
Thank you to all who have lived this crazy journey with me, and those of you who are still reading my blog.
I especially want to give a shout out to my family and friends and all who have prayed and are still praying for me.
Special shout out to my dear friend Michaela, I’m pretty sure I would’ve gone
crazy this past year without your friendship and support. You have put up with all
my complaining, freaking out, and plain old terrible moments. You are amazing and
I can’t wait to see what God does in your life!
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